happy, happy birthday baby...

Tomorrow, my husband turns 29.  This kind of freaks me out--I mean, I remember when I was 20 and I thought 30 was SUPER old...and here he is, on the cusp of a new decade, his last year of being in his 20s.  And I'm right behind him.  Just a month away.  

Except when I turn 29, I'll be a mother.  So weird.

When I was 18, I decided on all the things I would do before I turned 30.  Like all goal-oriented, A-type personality teenagers, I made a list:

By the age of 30, I will:

1)  be married

2)  have a successful writing career

3)  finished my Master's Degree

4)  be published

5)  have a kid

So, I guess I have a year to accomplish 2 & 4...not so bad, if I do say so myself.  Plus, all the profs in grad school say that publishing before the age of 30 is unlikely--apparently 20 somethings don't have a lot of relevance to say.  Who knew?

I am beginning to wonder if we are ready...you know, for adulthood.  I mean, at this point, there is no real going back.  But we are officially entering that "we're the adults now" stage and it is a lot on the scary side.  Sure, we got married.  Yeah, we own a house & pay the bills.  We run a household smoothly...just the two of us.  And we've functioned well just the two of us for almost three years now (wow...hard to believe it will be 3 years in December since we got back together and 2 years since we got married).  And I know that both of us will be awesome parents...mostly because we want to be parents for the right reasons...but then, you realize (or at least I do) that in a few short weeks, I will be responsible for a human life...yes, there is a human growing inside of me and I will be responsible for her.

What if I forget her at the grocery store?  What if I cuss too much and she begins to repeat my bad habit?  What if I smother her?  What if I am too relaxed?  How come at 29 I am all of a sudden old enough and responsible enough to be a Mommy?  This makes no sense to me.  How do I know I am ready?  How do I know that my goals have been complete...how do I know I am setting a good example for my daughter?

The answer is simple.  I don't.  But I do know that there are a lot of people in this world that are parents that really aren't ready.  They get pregnant on accident or because everyone else is and they can hardly take care of themselves.  There are people who are selfish and self consumed and are thrust into adulthood because of bad or intentional choices they weren't ready for.

But that is not us.  We quickly went from two very independent, bohemian-style outlooks on life to a couple...there was no real gradual courtship.  One day we were single...the next day we were inseparable.  And I think we've done a pretty darn good job being adults thus far.  

Hopefully.