unmentionables

have you ever noticed that you mother has weird thoughts/sayings/insights into the world around her?  maybe your mother doesn't, but mine does.  she is constantly telling me what is "proper" and how i "should" be doing something.  

like underwear.  my mother is obsessed with underwear.

seriously, the woman rides around town with a pair of clean underwear in a ziploc bag in her glove compartment "just incase she has an accident".  my mother is 57 so there is no fear of incontinence, however, she is afraid that she'll sneeze or laugh so hard that she'll wet herself.  so she carries a spare.  just in case.

not only is my mother obsessed with her underwear, she is obsessed with my underwear, too.  and my dad's.  and my sister's for that matter.  sometimes, she inquires about my husband's unmentionables.  this is mainly in regards to if we packed enough underwear for a visit.  Mama's minimum:  two pairs for every day you are gone.  So, if it's a weekend trip, 6 pairs of undies.  A week trip, 14.  you get the picture.  once, i went on a ten day vacation--i only had sixteen pairs of underwear; mother insisted i go out and buy an extra four pairs.

i recognize that my mother is more than merely quirky...she's certifiable.  and that is okay.  i love her for it.  it's just, i am beginning to understand her obsession.

the other day, i was in target browsing and i felt a sneeze come upon me.  it came from deep in the depths of my stomach.  and as the sneeze came out of my nose,  a small little drip came from my you know where.   oh yes, i wet my panties. my husband could tell something was wrong because he said, "are you okay".  i didn't know whether to laugh or cry.  i just looked at him and said, "i think i just peed my pants".  now it was his turn to not know if he should laugh.  his suggestion is that i wear panty liners from now until eternity...that will not work (he obviously doesn't understand the lack of absorption power that panty liners hold.  

so i guess i am stuck carrying around an extra pair of undies in a ziploc baggie.  you know, just in case.